


Sands Cannot Wash Away Sorrow

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Self-Harm, Sickfic, Suicide Attempt, Tatooine (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22033489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Rey moved to the sands Tatooine desert, to mourn the loss of her love, however the isolation is too much to bear, leaving Rey unable to cope
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Sands Cannot Wash Away Sorrow

The heat of the Tattoine desert held none for Rey. She felt empty and cold. A doctor might tell her it's because she's barley eaten these past few months, but Rey was too depressed to care.

If her friends knew what state she was in they would never have let her leave them, they wouldn't have let her go. However she wasn't like that when she left. Feeling empty with guilt weighing her down, no, she was still in a shock when she left. Her mind still wrapping itself around Ben, the rebellion, and all that was going on. She left with the briefest goodbye and no word to where she was going. Even when she arrived the reality didn't hit her for awhile. She spent about a month cleaning up the old Skywalker farm, not thinking much about anything really. 

However one night, when the sky was clear and the moons shone brightly Rey's mind cleared. One thought consumed her head.

I love him. I love him. I love him.

And the loss finally hit her. Her love was dead. He died the same day she found him. He died to save her. His blood was on her hands.

That night she screamed and cried. She tore her house appart and sobbed. She tore at her skin. Tore at her hair. She wanted to die. It was the first of many nights like this.

As the days past Rey got worse. She hardly slept, barely ate, and trained far too hard for someone in her state. She used her training as an excuse to hurt herself, walking away with far too many bruises and scars. 

Then one day she saw a shadow in the corner of her eye. It was only there for a few seconds, but it was clear who the shadow was through their dark wavy hair. Ben.

That night she skipped the training and just used a knife to carve herself up.

From then on she kept hallucinating, noticing shadows of him. Like her name whispered with his sweet voice, or his kind eyes in the mirror instead of her own. Even once a comforting hand on her arm one of the few times she layed down to bed. Rey was convinced she was being haunted and although the ghost didn't hurt her she felt the pain of every time he died over again, along with the guilt.

Guilt she felt she could no longer live with.

Rey knew their was poison in the barn, snake venom along with an antidote. She found it the first month while cleaning and never got rid of it. At the time she never realized how useful it would be. Now she could think of nothing more.

When she grabbed the poison she heard a scream in her head. So loud she nearly dropped the small bottle. All it yelled was "Rey!" In a voice she recognized instantly. Another hallucination. Still she responded "I'm coming" quietly in her mind. Yet the screaming didn't stop, only growing deafening loud. Occasionally a "no" or "stop" was thrown in along with the chanting of her name, yet she paid it no heed. She returned to the house with Ben's voice begging her not to drink the poison, pleas she ignored. 

Rey layed down on her bed for the first time in a long time. She let her messy hair down and prepared to sleep forever. To see her love again.

As her lips touched the warm glass vial the ghost went quiet. For once in her life Rey felt at peace as the venom coated her throat. She rested her head on her dusty pillow and closed her eyes, expecting them to never open again.

That plan fell through ten minutes later with a pounding on the door. Rey was curious but her mind was too foggy to care and her body too weak to check. She closed her eyes again but the pounding wouldn't stop as her strength faded. 

For a second it did stop, though Rey hardly noticed. She did notice when her door was blown inwards, though she lacked the strength to stand. She didn't need to as footsteps rushed her way, only to see her love in the hallway, his face panicked.

"You're not real" she mumbles to herself. Yet Ben ran over, touching Rey, showing her he was very much real. But Rey was cold, too cold. The poison was working quicker than he thought, Rey looking both unnaturally pale and unnaturally thin. It was far too easy to pick her up. More startling is the fact she tried to resist, yet she was far too weak. Even more concerning.

Ben has watched her as long as he could. Waiting for an opportunity for the force to let him through, for it to only respond 'its not time'. So he watched. He watched Rey descend into madness. He could do nothing. Then she grabbed the poison. He screamed and begged but she ignored him. Only when she drank the vial did the force conceed and let him through. He did not land far from his uncles farmhouse as he wasted no time. He stole a ship as he speeded towards Rey.

Holding his love in his arms, very aware how he could lose her. He ran to the barn to grab the antidote, forcing it down Rey's throat. She was too weak to care. As the medican took effect Rey's tired body, she sunk into sleep, still convinced she was going to see a deadman.

Ben was terrified. Rey was thin, cold, and near dead. Ben was hardly a doctor, and Rey needed medical attention now. He held her tight as the force guided him back to the stolen ship. Mindlessly he put coordinates into the navigation, letting the ship move on it's own.

Rey woke up to lots of noise in a colorful hut, laying in a bed that wasn't hers. She was confused, and her head was throbbing. Her body felt weak and sore. She tried to sit up only to find she was shackled to the bed, albeit gently. 

"Oh you're awake! We've all been so worried Rey." A relieved voice comes from a chair in the corner. There sat Ben, wearing plain clothing that didn't belong to him. Rey sat shocked.

"Liar. This isn't real. You're not real" Rey mumbled in shock. Ben sat up worried, and slowly walked over to Rey's side.

"Rey? Are you alright?" Ben's caring voice was the last straw.

"You're not here, not here not here NOT HERE NOT HERE NOT HERE!" Rey screamed and thrashed. Ben grabbed her arms as she pounded her fist agenst the bed and wall. Footsteps came rushing from the outside as Rey found herself face to face with Finn. 

"Finn help me. I'm hallucinating. This isn't real, NONE OF THIS IS REAL, HE'S NOT REAL!" Rey yelled, startinling Finn.

"Rey… that's Ben Solo. The general's son? Kept as a hostage? Can you not remember?" Rey shook her head in confusion, but calmed down. Ben let out a sigh as he played with her hair, responding to Finn for her.

"I warned you. Isolation sickness, she'll be like this for awhile. She needs some water and food. I'll stay here." Finn awkwardly nodded as he rushed out of the room.

"Ben… what's going on?" Ben shrugged in confusion as he untied Rey, then helped her sit up for she was still weak.

"I don't know, the force led me here, and that's just the story people went with. I didn't do anything. I just got you to safety. Speaking of which, are you alright?"

"I'm fine"

"Rey…" Just then Finn returned, arms full of supplies.

"I have some water! You're really dehydrated. We're all so sorry, we didn't know where you were. It's terrible that your ship crashed, the isolation must have been terrible. How are you feeling? Do you know who I am? Who you are?" Finn blabbered on nervously, clumsy putting down the supplies and getting out a water bottle he handed to Rey.

"She's doing alright right now Finn. I'll tell you if theirs a difference." Ben reassures, causing Finn to rush out of the room as he 8held Rey close. After about a minute Rey spoke.

"Isolation sickness? Nice way of saying crazy."

"You're not crazy my love. You haven't talked to anyone in months. You haven't been eating or sleeping. Isolation sickness is the right word." Rey didn't respond, only sipping her water and curling close to Ben. He pulled her into a hug and sighed.

"You know we're going to have to talk about what happened right?"

"Yes. Why didn't you come back?" Rey burst out in tears, as she started to sob. Tired, hungry, and overwhelmed. Clinging to Ben as a lifeline she sobbed like a child as he gently pet her hair.

"It's ok, I'm here Rey, I'm here. We don't have to talk now, just eventually. You need food, water and friends. Everything is here. Just rest for now."

Rey stayed curled in the heat of Ben's chest. She was sick and sore, but for once in her life she was safe, held on the arms of the one person she ever loved.


End file.
